My three and a half yer old son and I have dialogues like this:
Mommy: Do I love you because you are handsome?
Son: No
Mommy: Do I love you because you are a good artist?
Son: No
Mommy: Do I love you because you are smart?
Son: No
Mommy: Do I love you because you are good at sports?
Son: No
Mommy: Do I love you because you are sweet and say nice things?
Son: No
Mommy: Do I love you because you are attentive and ask good questions?
Son: No
Mommy: Then why do I love you
Son: Because I am yours (or because I am your son)
Depending on what my son has been praised for, I asked him different questions like the ones above. I don't want him to think he is loved or accepted based on what he does. It is hard at times to parent from the heart or out of grace when I am focusing on rules, morals or character. We need both truth and grace. I want to be gospel centered. My son asks questions about Satan often. He also asks about people like Judas, Goliath and many other "bad" people we may see n the Bible. He understands something I do not. He understand God's love but many times I fear he will identify too much with the "bad" person. Then again maybe that is a good starting point. He understands and knows we all have sinned. He knows about God's amazing love and grace.
Scripture: Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Observations
1. We are not to be praised for our "charms" and outward behaviors or looks but because of what is in our heart in fearing the Lord
2. Charm - any outward behavior that causes us to favor another. I see charm as your "good" qualities, behavior and mannerisms. These good qualities, character traits, mannerisms or moral behaviors can be affection, honesty, truthfulness, genuine, funny, interesting, reliable, respectable, attentive, supportive, thoughtful. This list can go on an on. These "outward" behaviors can be deceptive because they can be learned behaviors, manners and actions. Everything looks good on the outside but inside full of all manner of evil.
3. Beauty - any outward look/appearance. Outer beauty does not last. We all grow old, get wrinkles, hair turns gray and body decays.
Applications:
Real fear of the Lord is our respect, awe, and honor of the Lord God. Man looks on the outer appearance including looks and behavior, but God looks much deeper tot he heart. Today's Proverb 31:30 verse reminds me of God's interaction with Samuel over the next King. When God told Samuel to go anoint the next King after Saul, Samuel saw differently than God. 1 Samuel 16:6-7 says When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and thought, “Surely the Lord’s anointed stands here before the Lord. But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
Behaviors can be deceitful. We can act kind, act respectfully, say all the right things but this does not mean that our heart is right before the Lord. It is interesting as I look at the life of Saul and David that they both committed sins. David in fact had an affair with another man's wife and then had the man killed in war to cover up the affair. Saul was told to wait until Samuel arrived 7 days later for Samuel to offer the sacrifice. Saul waited the 7 days but when he didn't see Samuel, he offered the sacrifice. (1 Samuel 13). Saul did not completely obey. Not completely obeying is disobedience. Then in 1 Samuel 15 Saul was told to destroy all the enemies. When Samuel comes, Saul says I have obeyed the instructions. This was not true as Saul had saved some animals as a sacrifice to the Lord. 1 Samuel 15:12 "Early in the morning Samuel got up and went to meet Saul, but he was told, "Saul has gone to Carmel. There he has set up a monument in his own honor and has turned and gone on down to Gilgal."
Many are teaching good values, character development and morals but the problem is good values, character development and morals without a child understanding and living in God's grace and truth are just "good behaviors". We don't want our child just behaving well because God's Bible/Word will just be a story about being good. Saul many times looked good and others may not notice the slight act of disobedience since it both instances above Saul was offering a sacrifice to the Lord. These sacrifices of the Lord were disobedience and God took the kingdom from Saul. Moralism is not Christianity.
The gospel is that God saves you by grace and then you obey out of joy and grateful love." He draws a distinction between "religion" and the gospel. "We would say religion is 'I obey therefore God accepts me.' The gospel is 'God accepts me through the work of Jesus Christ and therefore I obey.' Those are two completely different impulses and they create two different kinds of people."
We fear the Lord which is an awe and respect of God not to set up our own monument but for God's glory. We are accepted through Jesus. We are to be praised for our fear of the Lord and not for our good behaviors or good looks. We don't want the cart before the horse and therefore I don't want to teach my child character or behavior. I want to be gospel centered.
Prayer: Lord, please forgive me for the times I want good behavior in myself and others rather than be centered on you and Your Gospel. Thank you God that you always bring me back to your truth. Thank you that I am not accepted on what I do but who you are. Help me to give that same acceptance to my child and to others.
Questions for Application:
1. Are you teaching moralism or the Gospel?
2. Write out the Gospel
3. How do you feel and react when other's behaviors don't look good? What is your focus?
Further Reading:
Read 1 Samuel and the accounts of Saul
http://www.libertyandlove.org/freedom-archives/all-things-are-clean/god-looks-at-the-heart.aspx
http://hopechurchvarsitylakes.blogspot.com/2012/06/veggietales-creator-repents-of-moralism.html#!/2012/06/veggietales-creator-repents-of-moralism.html
http://naytinalbert.blogspot.com/2012/04/gospel-vs-religion.html#!/2012/04/gospel-vs-religion.html
