Two days after Easter, I lost my voice. It slowly came back but it is not "my voice". It sounds different - raspy, deeper, cuts in and out, strained, hoarse, breathy and well not my voice. WIth the loss of voice, I have also experienced pain in my neck and throat. I miss talking and reading twenty books to my son. Anyone who knows me knows that I like to talk. I have a lot of follow up doctor appointments to investigate what is going on. In the meantime, I am suppose to be on vocal rest which the vocal therapist says is one hour in the am, one hour in the afternoon and one hour in the evening. The hour in the afternoon is easy because I will write while my son sleeps. Instead of focusing on the pain and loss of voice, I am learning to listen.
In the silence, I am hearing my son ask many deep questions. Instead of answering all the questions as if I had the answer, I am listening to what he thinks the answer is. I am listening without a response other than that is a good question and we should write that down and explore it.
In the silence, I am hearing my husband's needs and concerns with a heart of compassion rather than voicing my answers as to what he should do. I am tempted and start to tell him the answers but then realize my throat hurts and it is causing pain to talk.
In the silence, I am learning to see. I am capturing smiles. I am learning to see when people are in pain and need a smile or a hug rather than a word of "encouragement".
In the silence, I am learning grace.
In the silence, the pressure of having to know it all slips away into peace.
In the silence, I am singing in my heart rather than my voice. More songs are coming to be now and I am singing without saying a word.
In the silence, I see others more than myself.
In the silence, humility shines.
In the silence, a quietness soothes my soul as God says
